The Blowout Diaper From Hell

December 30, 2016

The Blowout Diaper From Hell

So no shit, there I was...(actually, pun intended, there was LOTS of shit)...My 20 month old daughter has been pissing out her ass for the last couple days and not eating much.  Shocker, a sick toddler.  We're just lucky that nothing’s been coming out the other end and no fever.  But earlier today I encountered probably my worst blowout to date.  Even my son never had a crap this bad.   
She woke up from her midday nap crying a little different than normal.  I walked in the room and instantly knew there was going to be a poopy diaper.  I wasn’t surprised - this isn’t unusual because sometimes she does this.  Shit happens, ya know?  So I laid her down on the changing table and saw that there was wetness around both legs.  Awesome.  However, after closer investigation, once taking her pants off and unbuttoning her bodysuit, I realized that it wasn’t just “leaking” around both legs, there was a full on plaster of light colored liquid and small chunks all the way up through her shoulder blades.  Seriously?  She’s barely been eating anything the last two days.  How was it possible that she even had this much in her?  Ughhh.  
But ah-HA!  While some dudes may get scared, panic, and puss away from these things.  I immediately went into full force battle mindset and dove right in.  In the “fight, flight, or freeze” reaction to stress – I decided to gain fire superiority and go to town.  See, my 3 year old had just went down for a nap also, and I’d be damned if I was going to let any of this wake him up.  The fuck if I wanted to deal with that headache also.  On top of this, HighSpeedMama was out doing some shopping and I was on my own.  Had no choice, big boy pants were on and had to do what I had to do.  
I could have used about 20 wipes, and had her fight me the entire time pushing her back down, preventing her from rolling over, getting her hands out of the impact zone, etc..Nope.  Fuck that.  I went right for the shower, clothes and all.  Surprisingly, she loved every minute of it.  The wet clothes made it a little difficult to get her undressed, but I managed.  Good news, it was bath night anyways, she’d just be getting cleaned a little earlier.  See, a positive out of a negative situation!   So after her bath, I got all the affected clothes, changing pad, and everything else and shoved them right into the washer.  See another positive, doing the kids laundry early!  Managed to get all this done and not wake up the 3yr old monster, cough cough, I mean perfect little boy.  Ha.  
Take away from this.  Sometimes life throws you a curve ball, sometimes life throws you the nastiest blow out diaper you’ve ever seen.  Either way, man the fuck up and take care of business.  Do what needs to be done to take care of your kids, even if it involves getting your hands dirty in a pile of shit – literally.  
-HighSpeedDaddy
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